I have had many opportunities to "wake up" to my heroine's journey.
I went blind when I was 18. The doctors said I would never see again. My body did everything it could to get my attention, leaving me spiritual breadcrumbs in the form of blood clots and other mystery somatic symptoms and auto immune illnesses, each revealing subconscious beliefs, negative habits and unintegrated emotional pain, in attempts to wake me up to my sleeping power to heal myself.
At the time, I felt powerless and terrified, which sent me into a depressed and anxious martyrdom spiral. But I knew deep down all along that the pain was a door and I would have to get brave enough to walk through the threshold of my own suffering if I wanted any lasting change in my life. You see, the signs were clear. Before I went blind, I was struggling with a broken family divorce, loss, chronic pain, unhealed trauma, sexual abuse, self abuse, religious guilt, toxic relationships, drugs, sex, you know... You know. I was crying for a way out. For help.
I went to energy healers and spiritual mentors. To woo woo witches. To the medicine of the east. And I learned the truth about how and why I got sick. I healed myself (we all can, by the way, I am not a unicorn or trust fund baby), and not just of the blindness, the depression or mystery auto immune illnesses. The root. of. it. all. Turning every habit, belief and pattern into the path is a PRACTICED skill. and I believe it's the right of every human to walk the path of lasting healing.
What I found in the darkness of my blindspots changed everything. I became a master of my own energy, synthesizing the biology of belief into sweet soul-activating karmic healing nectar. I learned how to love all my parts, but really love myself and take responsibility for my life without blame or shame.
I thank my blindness as a messenger and covet it's teaching as medicine for my evolution.
I want to help you see your blindspots too. I’m here to shine the light on your hidden shadows and activate you into remembering who you are, why you chose curriculums you chose, and how to embody that wisdom here and now to clear the patterns keeping you from elevating.
I am here to shed light on your karmic blind spots so that you can go inward and finally SEE.
I could tell you stories for days. To inspire you, to motivate you, to shock you into change.
If you are reading this, I would bet that you are highly empathic and intuitive and have hella good stories of synchronicities, ego deaths and rebirth.
What happens for me, like so many other feelers I know, is that our sensitivity to the suffering of others is so grand, showing up in our bodies and beliefs, that instead of learning energy hygiene, protection + mastery, we armor up. That way, nothing gets in, but nothing gets out either. We become warriors for so long, that even after the battles end, we walk the earth weaponized because we don't know how to do it any other way.
I used to believe that my weapons protected me from judgement, rejection and shame. And taking on what wasn’t mine. I resisted letting them go, even after they served their purpose.
All they really did was keep me from being seen and seeing myself. Living heart centered - heart open - heart activated. Receptive.
In 2011 I moved to Israel and served in the Israeli Military as a non commissioned officer in an intelligence and foreign relations unit. I enlisted in the army for reasons that I only understood years after my service. I learned that one of the reasons I drafted to the Israeli army was to prove to myself that my holocaust survivor ancestry was an identity that could be dignified through the legacy of survival. So I fought.
Turns out, I needed to learn the ways of the warrior. I had to stare death in the eyes and see the ways of war in order to surrender my battles within. The ways of the light warrior were born out of these circumstances. Or remembered, rather, from many lifetimes of unintegrated warrior energy.
Since healing my blindness and going to battle, I have long since decided that in a dis-eased, love deprived and chronically un-rested world, no one else will ever give me the permission to put my weapons down.
And in choosing to unpack them one by one, I have un-armored myself. The only weapon that remains is love. Love as a boundary setter, as a protective shield, as a stake in the sand. But love is the only one that gets to stay and guide the way.
Now I am both intimidated and turned on by my own power.